The Veil: Divine Memory Loss

Sarah Tirri
January 7, 2020

“Who are we really? Combinations of common chemicals that perform mechanical actions for a few years before crumbling back into the original components? Fresh new souls, drawn at random for some celestial cupboard where God keeps an unending supply? Or the same soul, immortal and eternal, refurbished and reused through endless lives, by that thrifty Housekeeper? In Her wisdom and benevolence She wipes off the memory slates, as part of the cleaning process, because if we could remember all the things we have experienced in earlier lives, we might object to risking it again.” Courtesy, Barbara Michaels, The Sea Kings Daughter.

I am certain that I have had hundreds if not thousands of past lives, as certain as one can be about something that is immeasurable in an empirical sense. I do not remember any of them, not one, but if I irrationally fear something, or fly off the handle with no real grounds for either reaction, could it be that some occurrence took place in a past life and the subconscious memory is being filtered through the lens of my ego-mind in this life?

I believe my soul-mind has a memory of information that my ego-mind alone is unable to comprehend, and this memory is often expressed as intuition. But when the belligerence of my ego-mind drowns out that “still small voice of reason”, it will still attempt to make sense of what it cannot correctly compute without the infusion of higher knowledge. The autonomous ego-mind often dumps a load of irrational scenarios into our minds, and rather than take them seriously, we should filter them though in a kind of—in one ear and out the other, fashion and ask our soul for clarification.

One morning, a while ago, when I awoke, I felt the need to go back to sleep because my night had been fretful. My inability to manage my runaway thoughts was the problem, so on they raged, all fucking night. I fell asleep at dawn and awoke again around nine thirty, brewed a cup of tea, and took it back to bed. My husband had come in and lay down next to me. I proceeded to tell him what was bothering me, and before I could make any sensible points, he interrupted me, delivered to me what he had been mentally rehearsing and by drowning out my voice with his own, which is louder, deeper and more persistent, I could not be make myself heard. I was incensed, leapt off the bed and told him what a boorish cretin I thought he was. I stalked into my office, knowing that I had better get a handle on myself, and was prompted by an inner tap on the shoulder which said; You are not consciously aware of this but you have been in critical situations in several past lives where you were not heard and quickly silenced. A couple of times you were sentenced to death without a fair trial. Get over it, and move on.

While waiting for my eldest son to waken from a general anesthetic at the surgical center some years ago (he was having a revision surgery on his amputated finger) my ego-mind/personality was fully engaged and I was unable to control my thoughts and soon they morphed into intense visual images and I saw the doctor telling me that my son didn’t make it. In my mind’s eye, I saw myself sobbing uncontrollably, thrashing around on the floor as the nurse tried to sedate me. I saw resuscitation teams, bleeping machines and endless imagery—representing what would take place if this event was actually happening. (An unpleasant flip-side to having a vivid imagination) My thoughts were so intense that my emotions overcame me, and tears began running down my face. I bowed my head, embarrassed, and wiped my under-eye with a hanky. I had to “sober up” and get back into the real-world, hopefully without anyone noticing that I had temporarily lost my mind.

I refocused my attention and managed to capture the space in between thought, the space of the observer. Once I was calmer and felt more-or-less comfortably centered, I chastised myself for allowing my ego-mind to upload its endless range of fearful scenarios and I knew that, if I had exercised a little more self-control, I might have heard the still small voice of my soul say, “Sarah, he is strong, healthy as an ox, so relax and finish your tea. You’ll be able to see him in about twenty minutes and the first thing he’ll say is, “I’m starving. Can we drive through Burger King?” In fact, after saying “Wossup Maaa,” he asked to go through Wendy’s for a triple Baconator and a chocolate Frosty.

This was not the first time my ego-mind/personality has computed and delivered fear thoughts into my awareness. I have had hundreds, most regarding the safety of my children. When my kids were younger, if one of my children ran a high fever, I was immediately online researching the outward signs of spinal meningitis. If the school bus was late, I wouldn’t just think something rational like there must have been heavy traffic on the road or the bus might have left the school late because one of the kids had to use the bathroom and then got sidetracked by a friend chatty friend who needed to pee, too. Instead, I would go into panic mode and my thoughts would be that maybe the driver had a heart attack at a busy intersection.

I have now trained myself to calm down—observing the words of St. Paul: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2. I have now upgraded my spiritual worldview and fortified my beliefs in accordance with the fundamental principle of faith: Trust. This is what upgrading your spiritual worldview does—fear leaves, and a blanket of trust replaces it.

I now realize with certain reassurance that over the course of many lifetimes, I have lost several children and any “fear thoughts” are the result of my ego-mind/personality hijacking a neutral subconscious memory (in place to manifest as guiding intuition) and even though the data itself might be accurate, my ego-mind is apt to concoct all sorts of erroneous calculations which can spook me to the point of apoplexy.

It can get worse: If you are deeply unconscious, and are not able to snap back your focus allowing you access to the stabilizing thoughts produced by your soul-mind, a neutral subconscious memory can get hijacked until a phobia gets created. Your soul memory (intuition) is correct; you did die at age eight down the shaft of a coal mine on the outskirts of Cardiff during the Victorian era when child labor laws and health and safety standards were in their infancy. But in this lifetime your fear of being confined is now so unbridled that you cannot enter an elevator, even if it does mean climbing twenty-eight flights of stairs. The mere thought of being in an MRI scanner sends shivers down your backbone, and you avoid going in the garden shed unless you absolutely have to—ritualistically propping open the door with a concrete block, clutching a fully charged cell-phone before entering.  All our past life memories—stored in our subconscious, feed our intuition. Our intuition is a sophisticated mechanism which is in place to assist us as we can traverse all aspects of life—it is the optimum blend. Our intuition inspires us with impressions drawn from the inner perspective, (subconscious) and our ego-mind informs us of its computations drawn from the outer world. But if your ego-mind/personality is allowed to compute indiscriminately, overriding the “still small voice” within, it is capable of warping your intuitive guidance system by calculating all sorts of freaky scenarios until a state of paranoia is produced.

Do you possess a fear of spiders so great that your heart beats faster at the thought that one might be lurking under the vanity in your powder room, and that he has a cousin living behind the dishwasher? Perhaps you were an Egyptian cotton farmer in the early1800s and a poisonous sac spider bit your neck causing cytotoxin to break down your tissue, which led to an infection that spread and quickly killed you.

Do you have a sense of justice that borders on the fanatical? Perhaps you experienced a similar ordeal to that of the Count of Monte Cristo but never managed to escape and avenge your persecutors?

Do you have a fear of flying, dread the cold, and have an excessive antipathy toward team sports? Perhaps you were a member of the 1972 Uruguayan rugby team that got blasted out of the back end of an F-27 when it crashed into the freezing Andes Mountains. Perhaps you were conscious as you experienced your death, which took a loooong seven minutes while you listened to the fading screams of several of your teammates whose young lives were also unexpectedly terminated.

Do have a fear of sharks so intense that a secret shot of vodka is the only way you can calm your nerves while you watch the National Geographic channel with your child who is learning all about the natural world? Perhaps your fishing boat capsized in a storm off the East coast of Florida back in 1791 and a shark fed systematically on your limbs, leaving your head for last. You just weren’t as lucky as Jonah, who at least encountered a whale that had the courtesy to swallow him whole.

Perhaps it’s not what’s in the water, it’s the water itself! Perhaps your last life ended abruptly because the North Sea oil rig you were working on collapsed and you drowned in the freezing sea before the RAF helicopter could reach you. If you were among the four who didn’t make it, you must get over it—otherwise you will deprive yourself of a lot of what you came to this planet to experience. A belief in reincarnation helps because, if you identify with having died many times before, sometimes in your sleep and sometimes not so peacefully, it not only diminishes the fear of death as finality, you can trace your feelings to sensible origins so the debilitation they cause is greatly diffused.  If until now you have believed you live only one life, stop it. It makes no sense and what makes no sense will drive you mad—especially when your ego-mind urges you to view your fearful thoughts as a premonition of things to come!

To wrap up: Irrational fear can arise in our consciousness because our soul knowledge, which is neutral and manifests as the ‘still small voice of guiding intuition’ is often usurped by our ego-mind/personality, which when left to perpetually upload data into our everyday awareness can make us paranoid. Override your ego-mind’s supremacy by awakening to the voice of your soul—the soul always paints a contrary picture to the one the ego-mind thrusts into your awareness, and the bigger picture in this: We’ve all lived and we’ve all died before, we’re immortal, and nothing permanently devastating will ever happen to any of us. Many of our experiences were extraordinary and others painful. So what? We are alive and well now; that’s the main thing. You are here to live in faith, not fear, and when you feel you live on solid ground, unafraid and feisty, hungry for more, you cannot be held back. You don’t have to set foot on an oil rig again. You’ve done that. Most spiders are harmless, chill out. You have a one in ten million chance of being bitten by a shark—building a sand castle on the beach might present more of a risk. Relax. Move on. God designed life to be an adventure. Honor Him. Head for the Great Barrier Reef, put some calamari in your wet suit pocket, and when a fish the size of your bathtub swims towards you, just say hi and feed the fucker. If you’re feeling very brave, yank one of its teeth—it might make a beautiful pendant.

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